Fire Fly Feast Pine

Six zebras pull a gold encrusted carriage with blacked out windows though the parting crowd. When it finally stops swaying a chubby man in a purple cassock clutching an ornate bowl emerges, he is the high priest and the Fire Fly King's top food taster.

He waddles over to the podium, idly stabbing something in his bowl as the crowd kneels all around. Suddenly he catches one and stuffs it in his mouth, you hear a crunch like fresh carrot and then another jumps from his bowl, it lands on your arm and jumps off again to freedom!

It was a locust!

And the priest chews away obviously enjoying his little hopping treat. Everyone else is kneeling, so perhaps it would be best if you kneeled too?

(All kneel)

Then the high priest speaks, mouth open and chock full of mashed up locust, chomping away like a washing machine and begins to speak.

'I am the high priest, and it is my ordained task to preside over my lord, The Fire Fly King's dinners.'

'It is decreed' he says 'that The King must never, ever' and he waits a second before continuing, 'EVER eat the same meal twice, if he were to do so, then a terrible calamity would befall him.'

He pauses for a moment scanning the crowd, his tiny dark eyes deep set in a pudgy white face, looking like bright beads pushed into wet clay.

'YOU have been chosen as the King's sacred tasters' and he points at you with his chubby fingers.
'YOU have been trusted with the King's life.'
'YOU will choose a single meal which the Fire Fly King has NEVER tasted before.'

At each point he stabs at his bowl making the point that if you choose badly then you will be skewered just like one of his locusts!

'Chosen tasters' he says, 'all rise'

(Everyone stand up)

A ceremonial knife longer than your arm and encrusted with jewels from hilt to tip is placed in priest's hand.

With a lazy motion he raises it high and then brings it down onto a taught ribbon, this is the signal. Simultaneously a flag is raised, a bronze bell swung and an hour glass is turned with its sands beginning to pour from one chamber to the other, counting down the hour.

It is the signal you have been waiting for, so you pick up your notes and head over to the chefs and their kitchens throughout the arena. Your team must choose a dish of food which the King has never eaten before and then wonder just how on earth are you going to do that!

Now take your marking sheet and head out to the field kitchens to find something exotic as if your life depended upon it!

As You approached the stall You saw a marvellous chef that was French then You saw a menu that had frog Fanta on it scorpion sprite ,snake sundae, panda pancakes the wonderful weekend food was crab cake that's what you bought with a side of frog Fanta it didn't look that appetising but when you have a tiny bite it still blows you away . Then the chef just suddenly started to do backflip 180 then You realised something in his hand it was a sponge cake with crab legs sticking out of it. Your jaw dropped in amazement. The stall had gargantuan banners by either side of the stall each banner had a sponge cake with crab pinchers sticking out of it. Then you realised a mini rocket with mini mice in it they landed next to you and served you your crab cake then mini mammals came in a mini plane and served you your frog Fanta. The frog Fanta makes you croak and jump the crab cake makes you pinch.

As you approach the restaurant you see a new resturant down the road so you walk on the side of the long,colossal road full of drunk people and road ragers and also people getting pulled of over by the police but you ignore them and your almost there at the new resturant you so enthusiastic to see the new resturant you are so excited you can't wait to get there.Then you finally arrive at the new resturant and you see two gargantuan banners that have crabs on them and in the middle of them you see a sign that has the restaurants name and your physique to see the new restaurants name and it was called The Hairy Crab it had a very odd name but it looks nice so you decide to go there for dinner and then you had a little sneak peak of what it looked like and you thought it looks good so you go home and get everything ready for your day out to the new restaurant called The Hairy Crab.

Then you open up the menu and see what your going to have for dinner and you see gorgeous crab cakes,fizzy crab cola that fizzes and sizzles in your mouth and the sweetest of the sweetest food on the menu is the big,beautiful and outstanding crab candy floss and it tastes luscious and luxiourous and it's texture is lovely. Then you decide your going to order the crab cake and the fizzy crab coke and you decided to not get the crab candy floss you decide to get it next time you come to this astonishing resturant then the waiter comes over and and you look at the waiter a...an..and he's a crab!?!?

Then as you tell the waiter your order you see the chef who was a crab fling himself around then he did a backflip 360 and cought the food on the plate whilst washing all the dishes your jaw dropped you were gobsmacked. At that exact moment, you tried the crab cake you thought it was as scrumptious as a double chocolate ice cream with strawberry sauce and sprinkles also sitting at the beach watch the elate,ecstatic and exotic sunset set in the distance. You knew you had to go there again some day in the year.

As You approach the stool you see a big wavy flag so you go over and you go in and you see a big yummy ice cream sunday with delicious scorpion tails it was so satistfying how the chief how he squeezed the venom out of the scorpions tail and took the eyes out of it's head and put the eyes in the blender with some blood ....... And then he took it out and then he put on the ice cream.

And they put the venom in some special pink water and it turned it pink
And then he took the venom and poured the bittery treat on to the delicious eye ice cream

When you Taist the scorpion ice cream you will feel like you are on a beach with the sun set shining in your eyes and your young is melting in your mouth.cautiously I still had the bittery treat in my mouth I can't get it out so then I some blood juice that was better.

As you approach the stall ... Sitting on a stool was a little boy next to the chef, the chef must have been his father because they were very close also they were wearing the same clothes. The chef was cooking a pythons brain,eyes,insides,tongue and for the drink was the pythons venom mixed with oil

The chef did the most amazing thing he mashed all of it up and stirred it all up then got another python and made the python vomit in it loads then got the same stuff that he got from the last one and mashed that up and stirred it then he give it to me and I loved it but the drink wasn't that good

I thought it was as good as a roller coaster ride, i thought it was magnificent I could have them python pancakes for every meal every day it was a sigh that everybody was going to try them then have them for every meal every day but about every 1 in a 100 won't like it but I think that stall will be so popular all the other stalls will be out of business.

As you approach the stall you can see a waving flag in the air with teeth of a panda on.
There was also a strange looking nail on the flag with ice on it and next to it. I also saw a poster sitting in the room of where the stall was.It said they were selling panda popsicles
the people desperately wanted to buy one.

The chef then did the most incredible thing ever he pulled out lots of panda teeth and put them in the freezer for 23 minutes and then he went to get them out the freezer and put flavours in the popsicle so they would taste good.All the people said it tasted like strawberry milkshake with cream.

The food was like a really hot summer day and you need something like an ice cream or an ice lolly.It tastes extremely weird but delicious.Then suddenly the popsicles began to melt.Then the chef said "I better put them back in the freezer.

As you approach the stall You see a big poster that said "panda popcorn of only £2.when I ordered the panda popcorn online you only had wait 2 days! When it came it was packaged up solid and very well You open the package and find a huge bag of panda popcorn when you open the popcorn and see that there is fluff and teeth sticking out of it ewwww! When you held it with your hand it felt all bumpy and nice.

Then the chef did the most incredible thing by cutting the pandas fur and making it smell and taste like candyfloss ice cream finally something you like.The package did not come in a truck it came with a unicorn that sent it to me! You really wanted to try the panda popcorn so you tried some and it tasted like a very smooth ice cream with bumpy sprinkles on it.

The food was like a fluffy strawberry.it was amazing! It was as crunchy as a sprinkle. You wish you would order it again and you could make it! And another thing it was delicious!

Back at the podium the flag is lowered as the last grain of sand falls through the hour glass timer. The high priest is reclining on plump purple cushions looking fat and bored.

There is one long table set out in a line in front of him and you place your offering on it. As you do this three servants wheel over a small crane which they swing over the priest and begin to clip into his reclining cushions. At a simple nod they hoist him up until his feet begin to dangle then carry him over to the offerings, yours is last in line.

The first one reads 'Sticky Ant Pant Pudding' and a servant then puts a fork into the gooey cake and feeds the priest just like a baby, but the priest doesn't chew for long, he spits it out into a waiting copper dish.

'8th August, St Pucid the unfortunates celebratory dinner, second sitting' he says followed by the word 'execute.'

Is that the date the King gets to eat this you think? But no, the guards drag that team of sacred tasters away in a very rough fashion indeed!

Next up is 'Woodlouse Falafel' and again the same thing happens.

A fork of the food is lifted into the priests mouth, he tastes it for just a second then spits it out before saying 'the King ate this on the 6th September, St Leonids celebrations, fourth sitting.'

Then he says once again 'execute.'

Guards approach the quivering group as they begin to plead for their lives!

'Next' and the crane swings the high priest down the table, dish after dish is tasted, and after each a date and celebration reeled off when the King ate this before, followed by the terrible word 'execute!'

Next up is 'Wire Worm Waffles' it's the last one before yours and is a beautiful plate of mini waffles, drizzled with a glistening fiery sauce which is steaming nicely and looking rather appealing. The worms themselves are quite easy to see and the priest readies himself for more disappointment.

He sips a glass of water to clear his pallet as a fork of waffle is placed in his mouth. The crowd hold their breath, three chews is all it gets before he spits it out, and pronounces.

'19th July, St Alfred's feast, the King ate this as a canapé. . . . execute!'

The pudgy priest is then craned along the table to your offering, he peers at it but his clay features are really hard to read.

A fork is lifted and the priest is fed baby style once again.

He takes a bite, you just don't know what to do, if it's bad then you'll be executed just like all the others!

He begins to chew, the crowd is silent. . . . he then chews some more . . . then some more, and rather than spitting it out, he swallows, does that mean he likes it!?

'13th February, The Fire Fly Kings birthday celebrations.'

Oh no has the King has already eaten this meal?

But the priest continues, 'this will be a fitting dish for that date.'

Thank goodness what a relief, it would appear you have chosen wisely.

'Now that concludes this session, I suggest we reconvene at 2.30 for the second selection.'

Rather pleased you've escaped execution, you ask the person next to you what he means by second sitting. 'Oh later today you've got to go back out tasting again and find a new dish for the King.'

Oh no not again, you think to yourself, this is impossible, but there is no escape!